I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
