i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i would punch a child for taco bell
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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