He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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