My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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