Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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