my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
