It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
