it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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