connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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