My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
