get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
