ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
