I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
