I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
