my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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