Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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