hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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