My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
