What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
