just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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