no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
