i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize