The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
