he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize