I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
