I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
