True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We need to get me chipped asap
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
