The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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