dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
