Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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