DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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