Me too!
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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