So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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