Cold hands, warm shart.
well you can't waste a boner
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
