i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize