Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
