Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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