you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
