I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize