Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
