these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
