Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
FUCK WHALES
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
