I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize