sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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