I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
