i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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