I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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