she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
