I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
