If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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