My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
there is glitter all over my balls
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
