I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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