She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
