I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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