How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
