he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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