So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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