I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
