i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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