Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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