I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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