He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
