man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
